The Chase Is Over (7yrs clean today 06/14/2009 )

Hey Friends

The chase for my drugs of choice ended 7 yrs ago. I ‘m authoring this blog not for me,but for those who are seeking help to overcome their own addictions.

I fully understand where you are at in your addiction,and what’s most important I know you can overcome your addiction and live a productive life.

One addict to another; you can’t fool me with your stories and lies. You see I’ve been where you are at this very moment and that’s living the chase to get that next fix. Believe me I lived everyday,and hour just like you chasing that next fix,doing whatever it took to get it.

I hit bottom 7yrs ago and realized I had to make a crucial decision. My addiction to dilaudid and cocaine took me to the lowest point in my life.I didn’t want to live anymore,the chase wasn’t fun anymore,it had become a do or die situation to get a fix on a daily basis.

Just like you,I was living for my addiction and in the end all I had left was my addiction. I lost everything  to my addiction that I worked so hard for and I hurt those who loved me most.

That crucial decision I made 7 yrs was to live again with- out drugs. I made that decision because I knew in my heart that if I continued to use on a daily basis, that I would die sooner than later from my addiction.

You will hit bottom sooner or later,if your addiction doesn’t kill you first,and when you do hit bottom you will understand where I’m coming from,and you will have to admit to yourself that you are a drug addict.

Then you will have a very crucial decision to make,and that’s either to live with- out drugs or to die for them. The ultimate decision is yours, but I can tell you from one addict to another addict that there is life after drugs and it’s a beautiful life.

Today I celebrate 7 yrs clean from my addictions,and that’s absolutely clean with no relapse. I’m not going to sugar coat addiction or glamorize it at all on this blog.

Drug addiction is a disease that consumes your mind and takes over your soul. I know there are a lot of people who will argue that point. But in less you have experienced what it’s like to be a drug addict chasing that next fix everyday, how can you fully understand how drug addiction, affects the human brain or how it changes the human behavioral patterns as the addiction progresses and the addicts’ tolerance levels increase.

On May 10,2002 I put myself into detox for two weeks,and I can tell you it was hard in there.Because even though it was a detox center people were still smuggling drugs into the place for other clients.

I kept a journal and I want to share some of the excerpts with you,this excerpt is from my first day in detox.

May 10,2002  Day One Detox

Well I,m in my first day of detox.I guess we,ll see what happens from here. I’m sharing a room with fifteen others guys who are here either to detox from booze or drugs,and I don’t like the idea of sleeping in the same room with them.

I’ve been down to the smoke room for 2 smoke’s so far and met some of the guys. I feel comfortable here because everyone is here for the same reason etc and we understand each other.

I can feel the withdrawals coming on,I only hope I can be strong enough to stick it out. I knew I was going to go through some major withdrawals coming here, and I hope they can help me through it.

Well I sat and ate supper with fifteen other guys,we had sausage,green beans and juice. After clean up I watched some hockey and then went up to my room to lay down I wasn’t feeling well at all. I don’t know maybe this was a waste of time,they don’t help you manage your withdrawal symptoms at all here,they just talk to you or offer you gravol.

I have to remain positive and give this an honest try and move forward, I have to lay down my stomach is killing me and the aches and pains are coming on now,life’s a bitch then there’s withdrawal.

Nite Nite

That was my first excerpt written in my journal, I will include more excerpts over the next few weeks. It does get a lot harder for me in detox,when the withdrawal symptoms kick full tilt,and you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I sincerely hope that by sharing my story with you,it will help you to better understand drug addiction,and most important to help you realize there is life after you overcome your addictions.

You have to beleive in yourself  and those that want to help you,and keep a positive frame of mind no matter what your feeling or going through.

I believe in you and those that love you believe in you and love you. I know in my heart that you can overcome your addictions,because I did it and I’m living a wonderful life today drug free.

Today I have fulltime job for almost 4 yrs now,and my own place to live. but most important my children are back in my life and everything is great.

You can have this life also,just believe and do it,take that first step and admit you have an addiction and need help.

Is it going to be the hardest thing you ever did in your life, you bet it is. However,the rewards are wonderful and you will live a productive life,instead of giving your life to your addiction.

Just do it,take that first step.

Thanks you for listening today

I believe in you and love you,and I’m here to help you get through this.

Always and forever your friend

Brian